It took four times to realize it
by JJHennie1
Summary: Elena re-experiences four times when she has interacted with Christian all of which she felt/thought the interaction was fueled by love; but this time around it is through Christian's perspective. Three times that Elena did not understand "the meaning of


Description: I hope this is not confusing, I wrote it really fast. Elena re-experiences four times when she has interacted with Christian all of which she felt/thought the interaction was fueled by love; but this time around it is through Christian's perspective.

Three times that Elena did not understand "the meaning of love" and one that she did – or did she?

Not my usual, and a very twisted tale, but that is how I see Elena – twisted and sick on the head. My entry to kill the troll challenge.

_**It took four times to realize it**_

"Tell me you love me!" Isaac demands of me as he thrusts hard and fast. He has been going on for hours and I have safe-worded twice but he just keeps going. I close my eyes and hope to pass out; he should be done soon – I hope.

When I recover from this ordeal, I'll make him pay. I will deny him gratification; I will whip him within an inch of his life and terminate our contract. Fucking idiot, what the hell is he thinking?

~1~

I wake up and see myself reflected back at me. Is it a mirror?

I look great, my boobs are perky, my complexion impeccable – I look fifteen years younger and I love it! Then something strange happens, the reflection-Elena lifts a flogger and strikes me – how can that be possible?

I try to talk but there is no voice. I look around and realize that I am in my dungeon, shackled to my St. Andrew's Cross.

"Count for me pet!" the_other_Elena instructs; her face is impassive. I try to look behind me but there is nobody there. I feel the sting of the flogger on my hips, close to my loins, and I whine in pain.

"Christian, you must learn control!" She says, "I am going easy on you because you are new to this. You must count. You are being a bad pet. Do you understand?" Her voice is harsh.

I will for Christian to answer, wherever he is, I know I am a cruel Dome and he must answer before I get any angrier. "Yes, Mistress." His voice - which is coming from me – answers; it is higher than his usual self. I feel the bite of the flogger once more.

"Two." I am bad, a bad son, a failure as a human being, and even a bad pet – I can feel what the Christian_Me is thinking; it is an odd sensation; quite confusing actually.

"Three." I deserve this.

"Four." She is doing this because she wants to help me.

"Five."

"Six." No, no my chest. Please no my chest.

"Christian, pain and pleasure are both sides of the same coin." the_other_Elena lectures. It is a lecture he will eventually learn.

"No chest, please!" I hear Christian_Me plead and I know, I remember this scene. It is a week after I took his virginity; he was fifteen. I became enraged because he was trying to tell me what type of access to his body I could have. I knew he could not be touched on the chest and back due to the torture he endured as a toddler; but, I punished him non-the-less.

As the_other_Elena punishes the fifteen year old Christian, I feel the punishment; the bite of the cane, and the panic of being touched on the chest.

She makes her way down and takes Christian in her mouth; it is Christian's first oral and I feel what he is thinking 'Does she love me? Is she doing this because she loves me?'

I knew it! He stayed with me, and he kept on coming back to me, because he loved _me_.

Now my body is showing the lashes that the_other_Elena gave Christian_Me and I pass out once more.

~2~

When I wake up, I am in a club. I am dressed totally in black, wearing a mask. There are women in front of me for my taking. All of them wearing a mask over their eyes; however, their naked bodies are available for anything I wish, for pleasure and pain.

The_other_Elena pulls me by my collar and points to a random girl. "Her" she instructs, and the Christian_Me pulls the faceless girl close and takes her to the whipping bench. After, much later, when he is done with her, the_other_Elena pulls him into a private room and demands a fuck – I have never met anyone with so much stamina as Christian Grey.

I remember these times; I wanted Christian to see other women as faceless entities and every time I demanded for him to finished with me; he needed to be conditioned to always comeback to me.

"Love -" He grunts as he comes. I remember this instance; it was the last time I ever heard him say anything to do with love. I realize he was going to say 'Love this' meaning sex. However, at the time I was furious because I thought he was going to say 'Love you.'

"Love is for fools," the_other_Elena screams. As punishment, I tied him to a post and made him watch as I played with three other subs. I fucked them hard and they took turns pleasing me. I feel what he is thinking 'he does not share, and vows to never share' I knew it! He stayed with me, and he kept on coming back to me, because he loved _me_ - he doesn't want to share me, so he must love me.

Now my wrists and ankles are raw and bleeding due to Christian_Me pulling on the shackles. I pass out once more.

~3~

When I wake up, I am in a hospital; the_other_Elena laying in a bed beat up and comatose, her legs broken, and her arms in slings. She looks hideous with a broken nose, a swollen face, bandages all over, machines flashing behind her, and her body is all black and blue.

"Who?" Christian_Me asks Grace who is looking over my chart.

"Linc," Grace answers.

I feel what he is thinking 'I'll kill him, someday I'll shatter him!' I knew it! He stayed with me, and he kept on coming back to me, because he loved _me_.

Now my knuckles are broken and bleeding due to Christian_Me punching Linc on a dark alley – the official report is a' robbery gone bad.' I pass out once more.

~4~

When I wake up, I am in a bar; I swallow my drink and I enjoy the burn of the liquor. The_other_Elena is seating across from me; she looks closer to my current self, a few tucks here and there, my new nose in place and my boobs fuller and perky than any of the other times. For some reason, I realize I prefer the old me.

The_other_Elena and the Christian_Me talk about business and I see how she makes a pass. I remember this instance, it was the last time we talked, several years ago.

The Dome coming out, the smile, and seductive tone of the_other_Elena's voice – it makes me sick.

The_other_Elena scratches behind his ear, exactly how I know he likes it; but instead of excitement, I feel how Christian recoils in repulsion. My heart shatters as I feel what he is thinking 'You think I want you? You disgust me!' Worse yet, now I feel what he is feeling deep intense love for Ana.

I now realize it! He is never coming back to me, because he loves _Ana_.

* * *

When I wake up once more, I hear Isaac sharp grunting on me. His body is heavy and I am fighting for breath.

"Tell me love me!" Isaac demands as he thrusts hard and fast. I feel him emptying inside me as I float away. I look back and see as Isaac puts his clothes on and leaves; the_other_Elena battered, cane marks clearly visible, the skin on the back ripped by a flogger, shackled wrists and ankles bleeding, cuts all over my legs, chest and stomach. I look battered and half dead; my eyes are devoid of life, looking to the ceiling.

I hear a voice, rather, I know what the voice says without me hearing it; I cannot even tell if it is a female or a male voice. I know what it says but that is all I know.

"_Each of the marks where made by you to Christian, throughout your time together_." The voice explains of what I am seeing. "_They are now on you."_

There is silence, as I look over my body.

_"You are bleeding to death_."

"Can it be stopped?" I ask; I am not sure what I really want. Truth be told, lately the only thing I want is Christian back.

"Can you show me Christian?" I would like to see him and I know the voice can do so.

"_Do you love anyone?_" The voice asks.

"Christian." I answer after thinking for a while. However, I feel the answer is wrong.

"_You cannot fool me. Let's try it this way: Does anyone love you?_" The voice asks. I think hard, love me? Does anyone love me?

"You already know the answer."

"_Yes, I do. But do you?"_

"Are you God, or maybe the other guy?"

_"Neither, they are both too busy for this. I need an answer."_

"What is love?"

_"We both know that you now know what love is, and what it is not."_

"If love is what Christian feels towards that mousy-gold-digger, no. Nobody feels like that towards me. I do not feel like that towards anyone."

All of the sudden, the little bit of life force left in me before is gone. I see my body being placed in a grave with only my name as a marker and the lights go out. I am floating in oblivion with no direction or company, wondering what I did wrong to deserve this.

~0~ The End ~0~

Thanks for reading!


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